September 16, 2013

caroline eloise. 6 years.

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(acadia national park, me. july 2013)

yesterday it was 6 years since our caroline eloise went home to be with our Savior. here's our story... mike & i were married in november of 2006 & in december we discovered we were going to be parents! we were excited & terrified & i was quite sick! i didn't feel like i was ready to be a mom & i was being selfish about the whole thing. (i'm so thankful the Lord gives us 9 months before the baby comes.) my pregnancy was great & we had no reason for concern. our caroline came 10 days past her due date & we were so ready to hold our girl! we were ready to be parents & see her grow. on september 15th i woke up with contractions & i labored for 10 hours. our midwife said it was a "textbook labor & delivery". our sweet girl's heart rate was perfect & strong through the whole 10 hours. i pushed for 2 hours & she was born. they picked her up & quickly realized she was not ok. her heart rate was down to 50 & then she was gone. they tried to resuscitate her, but she never took a breath. all she knew was the warmth & comfort of my womb. & in a second she went from being pushed out of that safety into her Creator's arms! He knows her better than we ever will! He made every part of her little body so well & i felt it growing in me. for 9 months i knew her. she kicked & flipped & we adored every move! daddy read to her every night. he would hold a little speaker to my belly & read her a story, talk to her & then pray for her. what a grace from God! that night was the hardest night of our lives. we felt the deepest sorrow & sadness we've ever known, our arms were empty & we ached to hold our caroline. we would wake up in the middle of the night & remember our reality & cry together till our eyes & voices hurt. we held each other tight & it was good to cling to the Lord together. He brought us together in a way we hadn't known & probably wouldn't have known were it not for this trial. we understood the fellowship of the body of Christ in a way that amazed us. what a rich blessing to have friends gather around us & stand with us in our grief. He is good to us! we are not meant to be alone in our loss & hurt & fear & mourning. we are not alone. we miss our girl & we will miss her until we see her in heaven where she will be worshipping the One who formed her & perfectly called her home. His plan is without fault. & though we've questioned & we are sad, we know He is good & He has good for us! we love talking about our girl & the hope we have in Christ... please don't hesitate to ask questions or send people our way who have also experienced loss. all for His glory alone. goodness, how would we make it through this apart from Him? read more about caroline here.
al

5 comments:

Shanna Mallon said...

You wrote this so beautifully, and your heart is so evident. Praising Jesus with you, for the good gifts he gives and takes away.

Anonymous said...

This day, last month, my Finley Elizabeth died. She was only 13 days old, but tragedy struck. I cannot elaborate currently, but wanted to share that I admire your faith. I've been a Christian for as long as I can remember, but her being taken unjustly, shakes me to the core. I am encouraged to see your other children. Finley is our first daughter. She had a Facebook page- fighting for Finley. Check her out if u get a chance. Please keep sharing

astr!d said...

i also lost a baby. my pregnancy was also fine, no red flags, normal everything. she quit moving and was delivered emergency c section. she was immediatley put on vent and shipped to arknasas children's hospital where she lived for 21 days. i miss her everyday. she would be 5 now. with big blue eyes, dark brown curly hair, and a sweet little laugh. just like her big sister. my heart aches.

Olive said...

thank you for sharing your testimony. It is not easy to be open about grief, but I am thankful to God for the courage and strength He gives you to share with others, that they may be encouraged. I am encouraged by your sharing, and a verse brings to mind:

Lamentations 3:22-23 "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."

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