February 5, 2013

tired days

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there are days... many lately, that i'm worn & weary. by dinner-making time i'm not sure i can muster up the energy to finish the day. all my efforts in resisting sin feel like they're waning. i'm ready for the little ones to be in bed. & once they're in bed i can barely keep my eyes open. & at the end of those many days i feel like i've failed. "why am i so tired?" "why can't i handle more?" we don't give ourselves enough credit as mommies! we often don't realize the stressors on our lives, not that we use those as excuses or reason for a pity party, but it's good to think through why we might be tired?... 

*for the past year i had my husband around more than normal & now he's a full-time student.
*our 3 boys are very close in age & they're boys with A LOT of energy.
*all 3 of our boys are maybe not "high needs", but they're quite dramatic little boys.
*i don't get a lot of alone time.
*i have a huge "to do" list for myself & just thinking about that wears me out (i've learned not to expect as much from myself each day. i can't be super mom!).
*almost a year ago we adopted amos & while things with attachment are much better he still needs LOTS of attention & direction.
*i live in a home with 5 sinners & only 2 of them are saved by grace. 2 of us are leaning on the Lord for grace while the other 3 are still learning that they need the Lord.
*it's wintertime & we're stuck inside a lot with way too much energy.
*we just moved & haven't made a ton of friends yet.

so now that i have my list... i don't whine about it, i just realize i have a lot going on & give myself & my children grace. He is all that will sustain me from the moment i hear their bedroom door open in the morning till the moment i shut my eyes. being mommy is hard & it's sanctifying. i want to be more like Christ, so i rejoice in my trials & their sanctifying work in my life. i just want so much to do this well! but as i've learned... my weakness, points myself & my whole family to Christ. WE NEED HIM! they don't need a perfect mommy, they need a mommy who knows how much she needs Him!

i recently read a chapter in this lovely little book about this same subject. she humorously compares our small & shrinking amount of energy everyday to a milkshake & all of our children have straws & everyone is drinking away. & when the milkshake is almost gone everyone starts drinking as fast as they can. everyone is super intense about trying to get as much as they can. "they are panicked. i am panicked. i want everyone to stop so i can have a chance to whip up a new batch. no one stops. the demands for your attention and energy get suddenly loud & obnoxious when you feel like there isn't anything left to give."she talked about how we will learn how to handle our days better... as a runner trains, they have better form, they run faster, but if they're pushing themselves it's still hard. "i think it is common to have this mental ideal of what your days as a mother are supposed to be like. we think that if we were doing motherhood right, then it wouldn't be this hard." the Lord will give us the grace to get in bed earlier, to read books & blogs filled with wisdom for mommies, to find friends that are going through the same things & can be an encouragement... but it will always be hard.

"when we are at home with our children, this is the means of our sanctification. this is the testing of our faith. and it is Christ's faithfulness that enables ours. it is our job to cast off sins, to be faithful. it is Christ's job to renew us. we need to be faithful, because He is faithful to us. we can trust Him to fill our milkshakes, because His never runs low."

good news for weary mommies!!!!!!!
al

ps
i blogged over at see the skyline today! :)

4 comments:

mi said...

I love you. You're amazing. Can't believe you married me. Still pinching myself...

ashlee danielle said...

Thank you for this! Exactly what I needed to hear today! I love your posts!

Jen | Our Happy Family said...

oh my goodness such a great post! I too am struggling with this... especially on these cold winter days when I'm stuck inside. we have 4 little ones and are caring for my mother in law and i just don't feel there is enough of me to go around! i love the milkshake analogy, I'll have to check out that book, thank you!

allison barker said...

thank you friends!!!!

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