October 15, 2012

no middle ground for me

BarkerFamily45296
this is the way i process things (without even realizing it)...
if i raise my voice at my boys...
then i've failed as a mommy & i'm the worst mommy ever.
if i eat something that's not good for me...
then i'm so unhealthy & i'm gonna be fat.
if i don't spend time with the Lord...
then i'll never get back on track & find time to do it.
if my house is a wreck...
then it'll always be messy.

how stressful right?! so performance based. i'm not seeing the grace my Father has for me. everything is so black & white. it's all or nothing. i'm not seeing my sins & failings for what they are... i let them consume my life & thoughts. i let my one sin in the moment become who i am, i let it define me.

& on the reverse side...
if i'm loving my boys well & being gracious toward them...
then i can think i'm the best mommy ever.
if i'm eating so healthy & staying away from sugar...
then i am so proud about it.
if i am having regular quiet times with my Savior...
then i think i'm untouchable. i'm handling things well!
if my house is in order & spotless...
then i boast in it.

how foolish. there is nothing good in me... the only good is my righteous/gracious Lord. & all the sin in me points to my need for Him. i've struggled with performance mentality my whole life & i rejoice in the healing the Lord has brought to me... i pray He continues to remove this sin from my life & shows me how much i need to rely on Him alone... not on my own abilities.
my only boast should always be Him!

"there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
romans 8:1

(photo credit & here)
al

10 comments:

Sarah said...

just thinking about this today as i read another blog about *sort of* the same thing...hmm...maybe the Lord is trying to teach me something :) (this is the other blog i read that is somewhat similar) http://www.theblazingcenter.com/2012/10/dear-moms-jesus-wants-you-to-chill-out.html

Thanks for the reminder...

Marisha said...

This is so true! The "all or nothing" mentality can be so crippling when we are struggling. And then the opposite extreme, being overly proud in our own accomplishments. Walking humbly with God is definitely the middle ground (Micah 6:8). Thanks for sharing your heart. Your photos are so lovely! :)

Leah said...

I can completely relate to this! God has been bringing this failing to my attention just in the last few days. I need to be perfect at something the first time I do it or I'm a terrible girlfriend or a bad leader.

All it is is pride, needing to do things in my own strength rather than rely on the strength of my Heavenly Father and be OK with making mistakes.

Thanks for posting this! It's good to hear from someone else who struggles with needing to perform/ be the best all the time.

Becca said...

Hi,

Thank you for sharing your heart. I have followed your blog for a little while and am always encouraged! Quick question--I, too, am planning on homeschooling, my oldest is only 2.5 now but thought I would start doing some reading. Out of the books you have read do you have any particular favorites, or "must reads". Thanks!
~Becca

Priscilla Ackaret said...

I am always encouraged by the truthfulness of your heart. I can relate to you so much. :)

Amanda said...

Bah- I so often get stuck in just the same rut. I rely on the law rather than grace- willingly putting myself there because it gives me a sense of control. From Galatians 5: 1-6....

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.Behold, I Paul say unto you, that if ye be circumcised, Christ shall profit you nothing.For I testify again to every man that is circumcised, that he is a debtor to do the whole law.Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace.For we through the Spirit wait for the hope of righteousness by faith. For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision; but faith which worketh by love.

Thanks for your thoughts :)

Elle Jane said...

I really like this. I'm working on a post right now about perfectionism too because SO MANY of us struggle with it!

Its sure a grateful heart turned to God that can help us overcome our silly selfish thoughts.

sarah j. said...

thanks for this!

i like what you said, "the sin in me points to my need for Him."

i have been battling my pride for several weeks and it's hard to learn, but so good to see my need for Him.

may we never think lightly of His grace and mercy!

Sarah J.

allison barker said...

thank u thank u friends!!!

Rachel Barker said...

Al, this is me completely. I definitely feel like performance is a battle for me, everything is so black&white and never an in between. but I love how you say, "my only boast should always be Him" I'm so thankful for his grace and mercy!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...