September 27, 2012

constant sanctification

PicMonkey Collage
(embracing the camera here)

i know i've talked about this subject a lot... but it's my life. ;)
i wrote about it herehere & here.

so when it was just me, when i was just single & had no one following me around 24/7... WHAT IN THE WORLD DID I DO WITH MY SIN?!!!!!!
i guess i just didn't deal with it... maybe i didn't see most of it, or maybe i saw it & just avoided it, but all i know now is how much these little ones expose my sin & i either fight it or give in to it.

i started courting my handsome husband & that sure brought about a lot of sanctification & i thought i was doing alright. then we got pregnant & that brought about a lot of dying to self. & THEN our good good GOOD Father saw fit to give us 3 sweet little boys & the 3 of them have been the most constant sanctification i have ever known! some days i am so sad that they have to see my sin at all & that they bring a lot of it out in me & i sin against them & i have to repent & some days i don't even feel like fighting my sin toward them. i wish i could be a "perfect mommy" & love them perfectly & be all they need on this earth & be so gentle & loving & patient... but that wouldn't point them to the Lord. a "perfect mommy" would make them believe they could do this life on their own & that they didn't need the grace of God & His redemption. i need to rejoice in my failings... "for when i am weak, then i am strong." my Father gives me the ability to love these boys... even with my love that is so imperfect & inconsistent. i expect myself to be perfect for them... i expect so much of myself. i pridefully think i can "work it all out", but i can do nothing apart from Him. because i expect so much of myself i in turn expect so much out of my boys & my husband (more on that later).
Father, give me a broken & contrite heart.
how sweet the sound of saving grace!



al

11 comments:

sarah k said...

Lovely pictures. And yes, I really hear you. Mommies need mercy, too.

Sarah said...

just what i needed to read this morning...thank you.

Heidi said...

so true! great share :)

Rachel Reeves said...

Sometimes I wonder if God specifically created me broken x 100, so that I would always have to be coming to Him, for mercy and grace.
I find myself falling apart, often, and I used to hate it.
Now I realize there is no other way....

beautiful post.

Elle Jane said...

A perfect mommy isn't what the world sees.
A perfect mommy is a woman who loves her children with every fiber of her being.
And does her best to teach her children how to love God.
And wipes their tears when they make mistakes.
And kisses their cheeks when they're asleep.
And flips through photographs in her memory of their smiles.

I bet your more of a perfect mommy than you think you are.

And repentance, thank goodness for repentance.

amy D said...

Yes! I can completely resonate with this! Especially in these last couple weeks, I have become so much more aware of my need for Him. And that's definitely something I desire for my kid(s) to see! :)
Thanks for sharing :)

emily anderson said...

beautiful words.

and pictures :)

Jennifer said...

what beautiful truth. thank you for the reminder.

Our Green Nest said...

Beautiful beautiful post!!! Loved it and needed to hear it. TU!

justicepirate.com said...

What a truly amazing testimony of how God molds us and loves us despite our mistakes. It is interesting, the concept of what you did with your sin before you had little ones following you everywhere. I agree through my own personal evaluation, that our children see it all and are there to remind us of where we are in need of help from ourselves and need God's guidance.
+Victoria+

allison barker said...

thanks friends!

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