September 5, 2012

adoption & the gospel pt 4

when we first got amos in uganda i expected him to "act like a son". i got so frustrated that he didn't know how to "be a barker" & that he didn't just jump right in with his brothers. he had only been with us for days, it has taken me YEARS, & i'm still learning, how to be my Father's daughter. & i fail at being wholly His. i revert to looking out for myself & living as a orphan (as i talked about in my last adoption post). the Lord is so gracious with us to patiently teach us how to be His. how to operate in His family & be His sons & daughters. 
it's awkward isn't it? when amos was first getting acquainted with the barkers we did things so differently than what he's always known. he had his own way of doing things & his own personality. he didn't know what was expected of him or that anything was expected of him at all. our Father loves us immediately! He loves us when we're not His yet. He loves those who will never be His. somehow i felt like amos had to "act" like my son before i could really LOVE him. that love is so conditional & sinful. PRAISE THE LORD HIS LOVE IS NOT! 
it's really hard to love someone who didn't come from you. we go through that in marriage. someone who is not your own flesh & blood you have to learn to love like they are & they become that. when you have a baby you connect with them & begin to love them during those 9 months. when you adopt you have to learn to love them like you did when you fell in love with your spouse... without the romance. :) & actually the little one you're adopting may reject you or make it really hard to love them. 
our Father loves us... even when we reject Him, when we don't act like His son or daughter, when we don't want to act like His. 
thank You Father!
pt 1pt 2 & pt 3


Erica Gilbert said...

I only recently (as in the last week) discovered and started reading your blog. I have been incredibly encouraged. I have been contemplating and praying about starting a blog of my own, while I read many different enjoyable blogs, most of them seem to be about the outfit of the day or do it yourself projects. While there is nothing wrong with that, I have felt like the Lord has been urging me to write about how He moves me, how He inspires me, and my struggles to comprehend His immeasurable grace. Thank you for being honest enough to share your thoughts, experiences, and family life with all who read. May God bless your incredible family.


Brittney Lynn Stasi said...

Thank you for sharing! I feel like when i read your blog that I am in a training class for when I adopt. I love it all!
Doing what you are doing is brave and I personally think true "religion" true love. You are being more like Jesus than most!!
thank you!

allison barker said...

thank u so so much!!!!

Dressing Ivana said...

You are going to be the best mom, if adoption wasn´t hard more people would do it. That baby is so beautiful.

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