July 31, 2012

i'm so weak...

"yesterday morning, the morning before, all these mornings, i wake to the discontent of life in my skin. i wake to self-hatred. to the wrestle to get it all done, the relentless anxiety that i am failing. always, the failing. i yell at children, fester with bitterness, forget doctor appointments, lose library books, live selfishly, skip prayer, complain, go to bed too late, neglect cleaning the toilets. i live tired. afraid. anxious. weary. years, i feel it in the veins, the pulsing of ruptured hopes. would i ever be enough, find enough, do enough?" -ann voskamp

i want so much to be all that my children need in a mommy. i want to be sanctified to look more like my Father. but what is my sanctification for? not to be perfect on this earth & to conquer my sin... because that will not happen. it is to bring Him more glory. to point to Him & His perfection & how worthy of praise He is. & that is exactly what my children need in a mommy. they don't need a perfect, spotless mommy. they need a mommy who is aware of & working through her sin, just as they are. an imperfect & contrite mommy that points them to Jesus in her imperfectness. 
showing them how desperately we need Him!
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July 27, 2012

lately grams

1)-3) hot air balloon jubilee in jackson, mi. THE coolest thing we've done as a family. 4) jude & i went on a date to hear the symphony & watch the story of goldilocks & the 3 bears. 5) who in the world is this big boy??!! 6) dinner...yummy corn on the cob, green beans & buffalo tempeh! 7) first date ALONE in 3 months!!! 8) one of the best meals i've ever eaten at this great little place. 9) crafts with cousins & aunt rachel. 10) jude was beyond excited when he got this sweet gift from his buddy eden! 11) this boy LOVES to use his imagination. 12) these 2 are becoming more like twins. they're only 2 months apart. :)
funny/favorite/current things...
*when jude thinks something is cool he says, "it's cool & healthy". LOL!
*jude LOVES to look at books... sammy has started sitting & looking at books when jude is looking at one. ;) loves his big brother.
*when i tell sammy something he usually responds w, "oh... yes". he says it when he's excited about something too.
*sammy get's soooo excited when he puts something together. 
he exclaims, "DID IT!!!"
*amos has finally learned how to be gentle with books. he doesn't rip up every one he gets his hands on. yay!
*amos has started singing to himself while he's playing. 
i wonder what songs he sings. :)
just got some tape in the mail from this lovely place!
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July 26, 2012


(we're embracing the camera here)
on our first date ALONE in 3 months!!! 
since we got amos we've been keeping him close to help with attachment. 
he's doing really well so we decided to see how he did away from us for a few hours. 
he did great & mommy & daddy NEEDED it!!! hallelujah!!!
we ate one of the most delicious meals i've ever eaten, enjoyed some chocolates, decaf chai in soy milk & walked around anthropologie. talking & taking it easy & not have a little one to tend to is so refreshing... life giving really! 
have you ever had a day, or days, that you are just at the end of yourself?? 
ahhhh... i have had a few recently.
i get so angry with the boys, so impatient, so tired of being mommy.
& then the enemy lies to me & i let despair kick in. 
"i've always been like this. i'll never be able to change. i can't do it!"

HE IS SANCTIFYING ME!!!!!!! praise the Lord!
He never gives up on me! He feels no anger toward me when i sin against Him.
by His grace i repent & try again (in His grace).
it is through Him alone that i do anything good at all.
nothing good resides in me. it is true... i can't do it! i NEED HIM every moment!

be encouraged by J.I. Packer's words. 

i've got to get this book!

be blessed mommies, sisters, friends. rest in His grace & great love & forgiveness that you've already received. we need Him! we are so so weak.
take a look at these sweet little quilts!!! wish they weren't so expensive. ;)
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July 25, 2012


happy midweek! i pray the Lord is sustaining you by His grace!
look at this sweet little shop. they're having a huge sale right now. 
i just wish they had clothes for bigger boys. :)
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July 24, 2012

my heart is growing

praise the Lord my heart & love for amos are growing!
he's feeling more & more like our son.
i expected to feel the love for him that
i felt for jude & sammy immediately.
but adoption is soooooo different. 
mike keeps telling me that it's different for daddies 
when their babies are born. 
a daddy doesn't feel the instant love 
& connection to the baby that the mommy does.

when we had jude & sammy i had 9 months 
of carrying them in my belly. 
when they were born i felt a deep deep love for them. 
that i would die for them. mike didn't feel that 
right away w the 2 of them. 

so my love for amos is growing slowly... & it's ok. 
i do love him dearly. amazing that the Lord still 
has more love to grow in me for him. 
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July 23, 2012

let them be little

why are we in such a hurry to get our little ones to grow up? 
from the very beginning we push them to be independent & face life on their own. 
(the following are just examples... 
our family doesn't agree w or do all of these things)

we put infants in their cribs in the other room to cry themselves to sleep, expecting them to know how to handle being away from mommy & daddy.
we wean them from nursing & put them on bottles & solid foods too quickly, when their little bodies aren't ready to handle it yet. 
we pressure them to go potty on the toilet when they don't really get it & are still quite dependent on us.
we send them off to "school" where they are away from the securities of home & are forced to figure things out on their own... they may not be coming to the right conclusions in their heads as they face challenges.
we tune them out when they are asking us silly, maybe annoying questions, but they are quite curious & are looking for answers.
(our sweet jude got bit up by mosquitoes in africa. :( )

they need us close. they are learning what life is all about. they are afraid & unsure often. let's walk through difficult things (even things that we don't think should be difficult) with them, teaching them all the way. 
let them be little & dependent & carefree.
we are their primary teachers... especially in these first years. teach them how to handle life & this big world... or someone else will. don't make them figure it out on their own. it's OUR responsibility. they've been entrusted to us. 
may we be found faithful.

mike & i are not pros by any means, but we are learning by the grace of God!
3 things we have found that help our boys feel more safe...
*we explain what new things they will be facing. we talk to them a lot about it. jude is just now getting to the age where he will ask us questions about what we're explaining. even if it seems like they're too young to understand... setting up the habit in your family that you talk about things & letting them know they can ask whatever questions they want. we also don't tell them about new things but the day before or maybe on the way to whatever we're doing. we don't want to add fear by them having days to think about what it's going to be like.
*not pushing them to try new things & it's ok to stay close to mommy & daddy. there have been times that i've gotten frustrated that jude didn't want to try something that i thought would be so much fun for him. but there will be plenty of time for fun stuff. let them do things in their own time.
*we do new things (& even old things) with them. they feel much safer w mommy & daddy holding their hand & smiling back at them.

as they get older the Lord will direct us on how to help them be more independent. we should teach them closely as they learn to handle things without mommy & daddy. i think the above challenges will happen at different ages for every child. 
may we listen closely to the Lord's leading.

how do you help your little ones handle "growing up"?
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July 20, 2012

lately grams

1) where we lay our heads. 2) chewin on some dried mango & hangin out.
3) vegan/gluten free comfort food. grilled cheese, kale chips & blue sky root beer. 4) farmer's market, $4! 5) farmer's market veggie eatin. 6) choppin & cookin. 7) a dinner table full of sweet ones (added cousins). 8) lentil sloppy joes, kale & sweet potatoes.
have a happy weekend!
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July 19, 2012

silly faces & a new blog design

(embracing the camera here)
look at these sweet sweet earrings!
i pretty much want all of them!
the shop owner is a friend of mine so please support her! :)
if you're a regular to my blog you'll notice i've made a few changes.
or i should say... my husband made a few changes.
i came up with the design... he made it happen!
so look around a little bit & get comfortable.
a few tips:
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thanks friends! i'm glad you're here!

July 18, 2012

what will they be?

sweet sweet sweet little boys! at times i feel overwhelmed with the responsibility
michael & i have of leading & teaching them well.
what will they be?
what does the Lord have for them?
what trials will they go through?
it's not up to me is it?! not one little bit of the outcome of their lives is up to me. God is sovereign over all things. even if i was the worst mommy ever & never played with them or taught them anything... they could grow up to be the smartest, most God-loving men the world has ever known. 
so i was reading this really great book &
in the last few chapters CJ challenges parents...
to teach our children what true greatness is & have Godly ambitions for them.
oh that our boys would serve all people well to the glory of God. that they would consider others more important than themselves.
humility, servanthood, gentleness, compassion.
what are our ambitions for our children?
that they would be the best on the sports team,
smartest in their class,
make a lot of money & have nice things?
"are any of these ambitions in line with true greatness as defined in scripture? are any of your ambitions for your child more important to you than their cultivation of humility & servanthood--the basis for true greatness as biblically defined? are any of these ambitions more important to you than their learning to serve others for the glory of God? in other words, are you more interested in temporal recognition for your child than you are in his eternal reward? ultimately, that's what parenting is mostly about--it's about preparing our children for the final day. all parenting is ultimately a preparation for that day when your child will stand before the judgment seat of Christ & give an account."
oh Father, teach us how to make true greatness, in Your eyes, our one ambition for our children! not earthly, temporal recognition. all of that will not matter at the end of their lives.
may their sweet little lives be for Your glory alone, in whatever way you choose.
give me a heart for my boys like Hannah had for Samuel.
i urge you to consider what your ambitions are for your children, or even yourself.
are they to bring temporal glory? how can we change the way we raise our children in light of what the Lord's ambitions are for them?
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