March 15, 2012

He's humbling me

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lately i've been in a season of being broken over my sin toward my children. i get angry with them & immediately i feel horrible about it. it has now turned into self condemnation. i want so much to be good at being mommy that i have become self absorbed & self centered over this sin. i think about being a "good mommy" all day long. i think about my "performance" as mommy instead of just repenting before the Lord, letting Him change me & moving on with my day while depending on His grace. my Father is the only good in me. He is the only One who can refine me & sanctify me & make me more like Him. no amount of worrying will do any good for me. He started this work in me herehere & here (i know... it's taking a while ;)). i was listening to the song on this post again & i was so overwhelmed with how "me focused" i've been. i want my eyes, heart & mind to be filled with the cross daily! change me Lord! make me a gracious, humble, gentle, gospel glorifying mommy!
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"we are partners with our children because we are just like them--dearly loved sinners."

"parenting in grace is not parenting on the basis of your own consistent gospel-centeredness. it is just the opposite. parenting in grace is parenting on the basis of Christ's consistent perfections alone."

"we will never be able to love them as we should. we will never raise them in the nurture & admonition of the Lord. not perfectly, never consistently. our job is not just hard; it's impossible."
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(we're embracing the camera here.)

& this is the best news.... "when we are feeling total despair, when we think, i'm never going to get this right, & even when i try, i fail, that will be the moment when we'll have the grace to resist our enemy & watch how our Savior restores, confirms, strengthens, & establishes us. we need days of failure because they help humble us, & through them we can see how God's grace is poured out on the humble."
(all the quotes are from this amazing book.)

isn't our Savior so so good! ah, He ISSSS!!! He's sooo amazing!
now sit & enjoy this song...



al

ps
my sweet friend brit has a wonderful quote on her blog about all of the above.


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13 comments:

The Popes said...

Man alive, did I ever need to read this today.

I had a rough Mothering Day (yes, it's a proper noun!) and have been feeling awful. My day started by rushing and fussing my 5 year old excessively because, get this, we were running late for Bible Study.

I felt a tug in my spirit that getting to Bible Study was not more important that being nice to my babies.

I'm praying for a MUCH more God Centered day today. Thanks for your post.

Marisha said...

Thank you for sharing these thoughts. It's precious to see your heart for Christ and for your family. I've been thinking about these things a lot too...God bless you as you grow in grace.

{http://by-his-grace.blogspot.com/2012/02/training-does-not-guarantee-doing.html}

allison barker said...

thanks ladies! it's so good to know other mommies & women who are striving to please our Lord & live in His grace! i'm glad you guys are following!

Amber said...

Great words. I feel the same a lot of days too. Sweet ment you captured. :)

Jacci said...

Excellent. Yes, Jesus is enough. More than enough.

I don't know why I want to tell you this... it doesn't really have any significance. Our 4th child is a boy, but if he had been a girl, we were going to name him Caroline Elise. So similar to your precious daughter's name. I read your post on baby Caroline. Thank you for sharing that. Such persective it brings. Such cause for thanksgiving and dependence on Christ.

And I **need** to get that fitzpatrick book! stat! I'm going to TGC Women's COnference in Florida this summer, and all her seminars were all booked up :)

Good stuff.

by the way, I was wondering about the title of your blog. You know you already have the smile of God, because He sees the perfection of Christ on you :)

MnM said...

Wonderful post!
Great photos!
Love the Charlie Brown tshirt!

bird and tree said...

i just found your blog...and this post nearly made me cry...it spoke words to my feelings...the very thing I have been struggling with so much. Thank so much for being open and honest...:)

HeeWho said...

None of our mommy works can achieve what the grace of God offers. The heart of a mother is always with her children, usually accompanied by fretting and guilt. Even in the midst of what we perceive as our failures, it's difficult to accept that so much of parenting is out of our control. Through our own impatience and pride, He is teaching us to plant seeds which take longer than we expect to come to fruition. He is teaching us to wait and, in the waiting, he is teaching us to put away pride when things do not always appear as we think they should. But, when you really take a look around, you discover nothing is as it appears. We're all just limping along!

Having said that, it's almost impossible for a mommy to give up control of her children because we love them so fiercely but the process of letting them go begins at birth. The sooner we can begin to accept that the Creator of the world knows and loves them more than we can ever imagine, we know to trust Him with the gifts that come through us but not to us. His plan for them is in place in spite of us.

I am a mom to big kids now. I remember having little kids and being at a mom's dinner one evening. We were all commiserating about how we were messing up and wishing we were doing better, etc. A beautiful grandma sat in the corner listening to us for a while before she said, "All you ladies are loving your children as much as you need to by caring as much as you do. I know you're all doing a great job because you don't talk of anything else."

"Relax", she said, "This too shall pass."

allison barker said...

thanks friends for your sweet words & encouragement!

jacci... my name is really meaning more glorifying the Lord in all things. letting everything i do be worship unto Him. to be pleasing in His sight. not for man.

Claudia Almandoz Gerbolini said...

My friend Elena from Bird & Tree is the one responsible for me having found your blog and THIS post. I jusy finished writing a post about being a mommy, letting go and faith... it´s taken a toll on my morning because it IS a delicate subject for me these days... your words were heaven sent...
xo
clau
http://handmadeconamor.blogspot.com

britney said...

funny story-mike told me today that sg has a new worship album. a live one. so i asked how he knew, and he says "al's blog". hahha. i had to laugh, i just thought it was cute. i guess he pops on here himself from time to time! :) love you friend!!

allison barker said...

that's amazing britney! my mike does the same w your blog! :)

Jessica said...

i've enjoyed reading your blog while doing late night feedings:) i loved what you wrote and need to get that book. and that cd is so good one of my best friends worked on it and played for it.

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