my super creative & artsy older sister is opening a flower business in brooklyn, new york! i had the privilege of capturing some of her work this summer. isn't she amazing?! she's pretty great! :) love you sister!
there is sin in me. sin that i didn't know was there until our sweet amos came along. i fight anger, impatience & i lack grace for him on a daily basis. this sin has surprised me & worn me out. i fight it daily (by God's grace) & there are many days i don't. what grace that the Father brought this little one into our family to expose the sin in my heart that i didn't even know was there. for many reasons i rejoice that amos is my son, but i know i will be forever grateful that the Lord saw fit to sanctify my through his life. i deal with this sin daily & oh how i pray the Father would continue His work in me to make me more like Him quickly!
as a wife, mommy & homemaker i'm quite exhausted, my needs are neglected & i often don't feel like doing much at the end of the day (as i'm sure most of you can attest)! i've NEVER been a morning person! i grew up with my mom & younger brother & sister having to come in a force me out of bed each morning. i enjoy sleep. & i enjoy being up later at night. especially now with mike in school. he's gone all day & our 3 little ones take all of my attention during the day. so at night i usually want to stay up late to watch a tv show (so i don't have to use my brain) & spend time with mike. for years we've been in the bad habit of staying up way too late to catch up on our favorite show. then 6:30/7am rolls around & our boys are rested & ready to be up... but mommy & daddy ARE NOT & that makes for some rough days. the Lord has really convicted me of this sin lately. i am being selfish with my time & not honoring Him when i waste my nights. sure, there should be some time for watching a favorite show or movie, but not every night! ugh. embarrassing. with mike's crazy school schedule we decided to change our routine. i HAVE to be in bed, falling asleep, no later than 10pm. so once the boys are in bed at 8 i have from 8-10 to clean up the house, spend some time with mike & READ! this is really the only time i have during my day to read. then i HAVE to be up by 6 to get time in the Word, work out, shower, breakfast prep & be ready to face the day with my kiddos. it's been good to have this new discipline, hard, but good. this week had been an adjustment for all 5 of us. we got so used to being home with each other every day & the boys have been quite cranky & i have been quite impatient because of all of the change. but i'm so grateful for the grace & forgiveness & patience of my Father. please please watch this video by desiring God!
yesterday it was 6 years since our caroline eloise went home to be with our Savior. here's our story... mike & i were married in november of 2006 & in december we discovered we were going to be parents! we were excited & terrified & i was quite sick! i didn't feel like i was ready to be a mom & i was being selfish about the whole thing. (i'm so thankful the Lord gives us 9 months before the baby comes.) my pregnancy was great & we had no reason for concern. our caroline came 10 days past her due date & we were so ready to hold our girl! we were ready to be parents & see her grow. on september 15th i woke up with contractions & i labored for 10 hours. our midwife said it was a "textbook labor & delivery". our sweet girl's heart rate was perfect & strong through the whole 10 hours. i pushed for 2 hours & she was born. they picked her up & quickly realized she was not ok. her heart rate was down to 50 & then she was gone. they tried to resuscitate her, but she never took a breath. all she knew was the warmth & comfort of my womb. & in a second she went from being pushed out of that safety into her Creator's arms! He knows her better than we ever will! He made every part of her little body so well & i felt it growing in me. for 9 months i knew her. she kicked & flipped & we adored every move! daddy read to her every night. he would hold a little speaker to my belly & read her a story, talk to her & then pray for her. what a grace from God! that night was the hardest night of our lives. we felt the deepest sorrow & sadness we've ever known, our arms were empty & we ached to hold our caroline. we would wake up in the middle of the night & remember our reality & cry together till our eyes & voices hurt. we held each other tight & it was good to cling to the Lord together. He brought us together in a way we hadn't known & probably wouldn't have known were it not for this trial. we understood the fellowship of the body of Christ in a way that amazed us. what a rich blessing to have friends gather around us & stand with us in our grief. He is good to us! we are not meant to be alone in our loss & hurt & fear & mourning. we are not alone. we miss our girl & we will miss her until we see her in heaven where she will be worshipping the One who formed her & perfectly called her home. His plan is without fault. & though we've questioned & we are sad, we know He is good & He has good for us! we love talking about our girl & the hope we have in Christ... please don't hesitate to ask questions or send people our way who have also experienced loss. all for His glory alone. goodness, how would we make it through this apart from Him? read more about caroline here.